I've decided to continue with my move and I think most are for it. After weighing the pros and cons, moving is clearly the best option. Today I'm packing.
Went to the store, bought paper china so I can pack all dishes and most cookware and two giant rolls of packing tape because I finished the first already. Boxes are stacked everywhere and I'm starting to feel like I've accomplished something yay.
Next...
Went to visit a friend yesterday. She's spent more than 40 years of her life married to a jerk whose head I'd like to take a baseball bat to. My Dad would have knocked this guy out if he'd ever met him.
SPEAKING of DAD! Today is Father's day!!! I love my Dad, he's the most amazing man walking planet Earth. My parents are absolute gems and have nothing whatsoever to do with the cause of my fragmentation. I wish every child born could experience a life with a father like mine. I am more blessed than I should be, they are too good for me. My dad "adopts" every friend I ever brought home...even now when all his own children have been out and on their own for years, our friends from years gone by still call our Dad on Father's day because he's incredible.
Now THERE'S something EVERYONE on the inside agrees with - Dad is the best daddy ever.
When my little ones are afraid, they often wish that he was near. We know that if he is near, we are safe and there's no harm that could come within a million miles of us. Too bad we live so far away from our wonderful parents.
It wasn't that long ago, maybe 3 months or less that the little ones understood he was their father too. They didn't know that my parents were also theirs and when they discovered that, they were OVERJOYED and we all stayed on that high for quite sometime. It's meant a great deal to them in the healing process and just the understanding of that fact is such a treasure.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Welcome!
Today I'm thankful for... aspirations surprisingly popping out of dark places...whoda thunkit?
Its been a while since I did a blog, here's my reason for getting back in the swing -
So...yesterday I sat in the eye Dr's office inwardly giggling and half-wondering ok, ok, who's messing around in here? My eye Dr is VERY good and doesn't miss a beat, however she's had to change my prescription 4 times in the last two months and two of those were in the 20 minutes I was in her office. I knew what was going on. She said, "It's as though you have more than one pair of eyes in there".... again, I inwardly giggled...and I could hear the mischievous giggles of others as well. I found out later that our drivers came out during the exams so that we could find a happy vision medium so we could see while driving through our beautiful city. Welcome to the life of a multiple.
Dissociative Identity Disorder a/k/a (DID):
According to PTSD.about.com - A person with dissociative identity disorder will have two or more separate identities that each have their own way of thinking and relating to the world. To have this disorder, a minimum of two of these identities must also take control over the person's behavior again and again.
I am a part of a large group of "Mini-Mes" as we prefer to be called. Some prefer the terms, "alters", "parts" etc...for the most part we are aware that we share a body and are all parts of one another, fragmented for many reasons that may or may not be discussed as this blog develops. Not everyone in this group is aware of the others. Not everyone is particularly thrilled to have to share as much as we do. Most are what is referred to as co-conscious. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part are working diligently at becoming better at operating together. No, I do not hear audible voices. No I am not a serial killer. If you didn't know I was DID, you might think my cheese had slid off the cracker a little, but I'm otherwise normal outwardly.
While I sat in the Drs office, knowing fully what was happening, I continued to bubble over with laughter inwardly thinking on the many "little things" and "not-so little things" that have occurred in this journey and someone said, "This is a Redneck book if ever I heard one" another said, "It's a blog just waiting to happen" so here we are.
Story time!
Friday before last, I (the primary fronting part) was just messing around on YouTube and saw a video of a massage technique that I've always been interested in delving into a bit more. Having practiced Reflexology for 10 years, I am continuously looking for ways to make people feel better. The thought popped into my head, "I'm licensed for Cosmetology, so I can rub feet and hands and ears blah blah, but why don't I do the rest?" SO I looked online, found a school, toured it two days later and registered to begin classes in August.
WELL, this impulsive decision didn't go over so well with the team as I really wasn't being very considerate of everyone. There was discussion about the price of it being too expensive, so we toured another school - beautiful place just brimming with excellence and being 5K cheaper, we just knew THIS would be the one we would settle on. Some with us didn't like it and it creeped them out. They preferred the other place, so we remain somewhat undecided. NOT TO MENTION that a decision needs to be made NOW because the beautiful, cheaper place with the class schedule that makes sense is right near where we live now whereas the other is very near the location we were planning to move to. I was already scheduled to move on July 15 because I wanted out of this apartment, so I either need to pee or get off the pot.
Another thing - some insiders DO NOT like to be touched and our therapist is not thrilled with this massage therapy idea one bit. It's been surprising though that while some dislike the idea completely, they've stated to us that they are willing to go to the background while training and while we work in this field. Isn't that kind of them? I think that's such sacrifice. They've been through so much for this group and are still willing to sacrifice their own sense of security for the benefit of the group. I also think they're beginning to trust that we're safe now and will stay that way. Perception is not always reality and we've no more reason to fear.
Consensus as of this moment is that we go ahead and move - wait another year - pay off a little more debt and THEN start class. I think I'm starting to agree. Both are great schools, but the more expensive has 200 more credit hours. The plan is.... go to school, keep the day job, work both after I get my license and pay off more debt, save for a while, then buy a house.
Anyone wanna donate to the cause? ;~)
Everything we do needs to circulate through the group, majority wins the vote. Sometimes there are little things, for example: someone wants ice cream, but someone else is on a diet. WHADOYADO? When the children are involved, ice cream ALWAYS wins!
Thought for the evening: Shabbat Shalom
Its been a while since I did a blog, here's my reason for getting back in the swing -
So...yesterday I sat in the eye Dr's office inwardly giggling and half-wondering ok, ok, who's messing around in here? My eye Dr is VERY good and doesn't miss a beat, however she's had to change my prescription 4 times in the last two months and two of those were in the 20 minutes I was in her office. I knew what was going on. She said, "It's as though you have more than one pair of eyes in there".... again, I inwardly giggled...and I could hear the mischievous giggles of others as well. I found out later that our drivers came out during the exams so that we could find a happy vision medium so we could see while driving through our beautiful city. Welcome to the life of a multiple.
Dissociative Identity Disorder a/k/a (DID):
According to PTSD.about.com - A person with dissociative identity disorder will have two or more separate identities that each have their own way of thinking and relating to the world. To have this disorder, a minimum of two of these identities must also take control over the person's behavior again and again.
I am a part of a large group of "Mini-Mes" as we prefer to be called. Some prefer the terms, "alters", "parts" etc...for the most part we are aware that we share a body and are all parts of one another, fragmented for many reasons that may or may not be discussed as this blog develops. Not everyone in this group is aware of the others. Not everyone is particularly thrilled to have to share as much as we do. Most are what is referred to as co-conscious. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part are working diligently at becoming better at operating together. No, I do not hear audible voices. No I am not a serial killer. If you didn't know I was DID, you might think my cheese had slid off the cracker a little, but I'm otherwise normal outwardly.
While I sat in the Drs office, knowing fully what was happening, I continued to bubble over with laughter inwardly thinking on the many "little things" and "not-so little things" that have occurred in this journey and someone said, "This is a Redneck book if ever I heard one" another said, "It's a blog just waiting to happen" so here we are.
Story time!
Friday before last, I (the primary fronting part) was just messing around on YouTube and saw a video of a massage technique that I've always been interested in delving into a bit more. Having practiced Reflexology for 10 years, I am continuously looking for ways to make people feel better. The thought popped into my head, "I'm licensed for Cosmetology, so I can rub feet and hands and ears blah blah, but why don't I do the rest?" SO I looked online, found a school, toured it two days later and registered to begin classes in August.
WELL, this impulsive decision didn't go over so well with the team as I really wasn't being very considerate of everyone. There was discussion about the price of it being too expensive, so we toured another school - beautiful place just brimming with excellence and being 5K cheaper, we just knew THIS would be the one we would settle on. Some with us didn't like it and it creeped them out. They preferred the other place, so we remain somewhat undecided. NOT TO MENTION that a decision needs to be made NOW because the beautiful, cheaper place with the class schedule that makes sense is right near where we live now whereas the other is very near the location we were planning to move to. I was already scheduled to move on July 15 because I wanted out of this apartment, so I either need to pee or get off the pot.
Another thing - some insiders DO NOT like to be touched and our therapist is not thrilled with this massage therapy idea one bit. It's been surprising though that while some dislike the idea completely, they've stated to us that they are willing to go to the background while training and while we work in this field. Isn't that kind of them? I think that's such sacrifice. They've been through so much for this group and are still willing to sacrifice their own sense of security for the benefit of the group. I also think they're beginning to trust that we're safe now and will stay that way. Perception is not always reality and we've no more reason to fear.
Consensus as of this moment is that we go ahead and move - wait another year - pay off a little more debt and THEN start class. I think I'm starting to agree. Both are great schools, but the more expensive has 200 more credit hours. The plan is.... go to school, keep the day job, work both after I get my license and pay off more debt, save for a while, then buy a house.
Anyone wanna donate to the cause? ;~)
Everything we do needs to circulate through the group, majority wins the vote. Sometimes there are little things, for example: someone wants ice cream, but someone else is on a diet. WHADOYADO? When the children are involved, ice cream ALWAYS wins!
Thought for the evening: Shabbat Shalom
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