Change

We typically have a love/hate relationship with change. Change is a constant. ESPECIALLY in this head. One moment we're flying high in the things of G-d and the next we're ready to jump off the Hi-Five in rush hour traffic.

I (D-the strong believing one) am an Arthur Burke junkie. A lot of his stuff talks about how we're born with packages. The enemy sets up packages full of ancestral curses and sins all together just waiting. I knew a lady who when looking at her daughter shortly before she was to give birth to her grandchild, saw demons lined all around the girl. They weren't oppressing her or really affecting her so much, but they were preparing for the birth of that baby, ready to attach themselves and set up a lifetime of snares right then.

Another view of the packages, and the most important one is the G-d packages. YES! He gives them too. He's written His plans for us before the foundations of the world. Nothing in our lives takes Him by surprise. He neatly packages us with His gifts, His callings, His destiny for our lives. The plans of the enemy pale in comparison. They cannot really even BE compared.

THE UNFOLDING

The trick is opening the package. For some it is an easy thing, they look for it, they strive for it. For others, its terrifying. I've a friend with a strong prophetic/mercy heart that I know the enemy is terrified of and G-d is getting ready to release. She's never been around the things of the Spirit, so there's a lot that she doesn't understand, she has no idea how packed full of wonderful, good, G-d stuff she is. No one's ever noticed, no one in her life has recognized and called it out. What's wrong with us Christians these days?

When we discover a measure of what G-d has put in us, it makes it more easy to understand our place in His kingdom.

SURRENDER

For anyone who's ever struggled with pride/false pride/worthlessness this is a biggie and I'll tell you why...

In order for us to really step into our place in the Body of Christ, we've got to surrender to the fact that there's something GOOD in us. Many of us don't believe that. Many think its impossible because we're too dirty, done too much, too bad, too stupid to get to the place where G-d can actually use us. This requires a recognition of HIS Spirit placed in us, it requires recognition of beautiful and wonderful things that we normally, in our natural minds can't even begin to process.

As a multiple, this is especially difficult. There's often parts who are 180 degrees from where we are. We have at least 2 with us who've tried to kill us and some just this year and the cutting, the suicidal tendencies and obsessions with death have been a struggle for many years. G-d will deliver them of that, I'm certain because there's a purpose for us to fulfill.

In the last few weeks, G-d has really been messing with me - in a good way and part of it is this whole surrender business. I've been listening to Carol Kornacki's testimony about 100 times and am reminded how G-d can do absolutely anything.

My surrender? G-d's given me an anointing to recognize, call out and activate the gifts and callings within people. I am a prophetic psalmist - not the best voice, not the best pianist by any means, but called and chosen. For me to ADMIT that is huge - may sound funny to anyone else, but it is what it is. When I was young, evil people recognized and tried to take advantage of the seer's gift in me and turn it for evil. They were conditioning me in unholy ways for very unholy purposes.

In the last few weeks G-d's been setting a fire in me, I dunno, maybe it has something to do with my birthday coming up, maybe it has something to do with the fact that we're living in the last days, maybe its because He's tired of us being scattered? I'm not sure, but He's doing it. My prayer is that He will give me grace and help me keep my eyes, hears and heart focused on Him and His purposes, considering eternity in ever thought and action.

Some days, most often when I'm in front, we're doing good - hanging on. The anger is repressed, the suicide and death obsession is repressed S. and R. are somewhere in the background doing whatever in the dark under layers wherever they stay. I'm praying also for S. and R. and whoever else hides under those two dark places. I'm asking Him to shine His light in those places. The P's - the main fronters don't want too see, don't want to acknowledge what was done but are hanging onto what is. They're terrified that tomorrow, we'll slip right back down into some dark place, striving to even WANT to live. No. I don't feel like this time there will be such a striving. Something's changed. Something's different and it's going all through the system.

This is a change that I want, this is a change that everyone sharing this body needs. Even so, come quickly L-rd Jesus!

Wanna change with me?

Welcome!

Today I'm thankful for... aspirations surprisingly popping out of dark places...whoda thunkit?

Its been a while since I did a blog, here's my reason for getting back in the swing -
So...yesterday I sat in the eye Dr's office inwardly giggling and half-wondering ok, ok, who's messing around in here? My eye Dr is VERY good and doesn't miss a beat, however she's had to change my prescription 4 times in the last two months and two of those were in the 20 minutes I was in her office. I knew what was going on. She said, "It's as though you have more than one pair of eyes in there".... again, I inwardly giggled...and I could hear the mischievous giggles of others as well. I found out later that our drivers came out during the exams so that we could find a happy vision medium so we could see while driving through our beautiful city. Welcome to the life of a multiple.


Dissociative Identity Disorder a/k/a (DID): 
According to PTSD.about.com -  A person with dissociative identity disorder will have two or more separate identities that each have their own way of thinking and relating to the world. To have this disorder, a minimum of two of these identities must also take control over the person's behavior again and again.


I am a part of a large group of "Mini-Mes" as we prefer to be called. Some prefer the terms, "alters", "parts" etc...for the most part we are aware that we share a body and are all parts of one another, fragmented for many reasons that may or may not be discussed as this blog develops. Not everyone in this group is aware of the others. Not everyone is particularly thrilled to have to share as much as we do. Most are what is referred to as co-conscious. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part are working diligently at becoming better at operating together. No, I do not hear audible voices. No I am not a serial killer.  If you didn't know I was DID, you might think my cheese had slid off the cracker a little, but I'm otherwise normal outwardly.


While I sat in the Drs office, knowing fully what was happening, I continued to bubble over with laughter inwardly thinking on the many "little things" and "not-so little things" that have occurred in this journey and someone said, "This is a Redneck book if ever I heard one" another said, "It's a blog just waiting to happen" so here we are.

Story time!


Friday before last, I (the primary fronting part) was just messing around on YouTube and saw a video of a massage technique that I've always been interested in delving into a bit more. Having practiced Reflexology for 10 years, I am continuously looking for ways to make people feel better. The thought popped into my head, "I'm licensed for Cosmetology, so I can rub feet and hands and ears blah blah, but why don't I do the rest?" SO I looked online, found a school, toured it two days later and registered to begin classes in August.


WELL, this impulsive decision didn't go over so well with the team as I really wasn't being very considerate of everyone. There was discussion about the price of it being too expensive, so we toured another school - beautiful place just brimming with excellence and being 5K cheaper, we just knew THIS would be the one we would settle on. Some with us didn't like it and it creeped them out. They preferred the other place, so we remain somewhat undecided. NOT TO MENTION that a decision needs to be made NOW because the beautiful, cheaper place with the class schedule that makes sense is right near where we live now whereas the other is very near the location we were planning to move to. I was already scheduled to move on July 15 because I wanted out of this apartment, so I either need to pee or get off the pot.

Another thing - some insiders DO NOT like to be touched and our therapist is not thrilled with this massage therapy idea one bit. It's been surprising though that while some dislike the idea completely, they've stated to us that they are willing to go to the background while training and while we work in this field. Isn't that kind of them? I think that's such sacrifice. They've been through so much for this group and are still willing to sacrifice their own sense of security for the benefit of the group. I also think they're beginning to trust that we're safe now and will stay that way. Perception is not always reality and we've no more reason to fear.


Consensus as of this moment is that we go ahead and move - wait another year - pay off a little more debt and THEN start class. I think I'm starting to agree. Both are great schools, but the more expensive has 200 more credit hours. The plan is.... go to school, keep the day job, work both after I get my license and pay off more debt, save for a while, then buy a house.


Anyone wanna donate to the cause? ;~)


Everything we do needs to circulate through the group, majority wins the vote. Sometimes there are little things, for example: someone wants ice cream, but someone else is on a diet. WHADOYADO? When the children are involved, ice cream ALWAYS wins!

Thought for the evening: Shabbat Shalom