Recovery

Its a huge word...recovery. Selah.

I live a privileged life.  Not so much financially,  but my little world is abundantly filled with love.

Still recovering from surgery and doing so quite nicely if I do say so. A few more kinks to work out, but it is what it is. 

Physical recovery is so different from mental recovery. In one sense I'm getting my life back by slowly relieving the physical pain. Mentally however it's a battle. Much of the group internally wants to see it through to the end while the bigger scarrier parts want everyone over right now.  They're angry we woke from surgery. More so to find that a second surgery will be postponed. Conflicts like this can be almost unbearable, I write as the primary fronting member of the team. My job typically consists of holding the groups together and  keeping things functioning on the outside regardless of what's happening inside our head.

Strange how people sharing one body can be polar opposites. Looking around me this very moment,  I can see little touches of love and life that have long since been removed.  I was giving into the other, darker parts of the team and felt hopeless.  Now things are changing and I don't want to go back to the 'dark side'  It really is dark in many places. I can't hold everything together like I used to,  people are as disagreeable as our current government.

How do I get past this?  I'm trying to remind myself often that there's a process to recovery.  Following surgery comes physical therapy.  It doesn't happen as instantly as I would like,  but it will happen.  Soon, I'll be driving again,  working again and in my same ole routine. While there are obstacles to face and overcome,  there's an ending. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.  Regardless of how it looks and feels on the inside right now, I know there's an end and I'm looking forward to it.

Revovery....huge word